Why do people speak negatively about themselves?
At a recent wedding anniversary party, the host had to say a few words of his journey with his partner. His short address wasn't something people were overtly ecstatic about but everyone clapped and cheered at the end. He said his piece and that was it. As the gathering was small and just close relatives and really close friends were invited, the hosts passed by a few times. When we met again after his address, he said that he finds it difficult to speak in front of an audience and gets nervous and knows that it wasn't the best speech. Did anyone tell him that, no but that's how he thought for himself. Another example. Many adults approach me for English language coaching and the first thing they tell me in very clear English is, "I don't know English." And I look at them and ask them if they have memorized this sentence and that's how they were able to speak this sentence without any hesitation and fully confident that there was no error in that sentence.
This is the general attitude of most people, they always want to speak negatively about themselves. It is obvious that rocket science is a difficult subject and most people will find it difficult to study and master this topic. That's OK. It's rocket science. But simple things like saying a few words in front of a small audience, speaking English and driving a vehicle is definitely not rocket science. People like to speak negatively about themselves. They will say all that they cannot do repeatedly and convince themselves that they are simply not going to speak English their entire lives. They also receive support from like minded people, who tell them that it is a very difficult task and there is no way they are going to be able to even achieve 50% results. Most things are not as difficult as people make it out to be. A little effort and continuous practice everyday for a few minutes and most things can be learnt. Driving, learning a language, basic computer operation, and so many things we just push away by saying that it's difficult and impossible.
The vast majority of the population know for sure that everything has to be learnt, must be done somewhere outside. That is you have to go to a driving school to learn driving. This is required since the driving institute also arranges for the learner's licence, vehicle for learning and practice and also this requires someone to guide and steer the learner away from serious accidents. There are other skills, like basic computer operations. This is skill that can be self taught. You don't need to go to an institute to learn basic windows or internet functions, that you can learn on your own. It just requires continuous effort of the individual. But then this individual has already said, "I don't know computers." He has closed his mind to learning and has also demotivated himself. A new computer will lie in the corner of the room untouched because of the words, "I don't know." Is there any reason for this discouragement? Really nothing. It's just an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for one's actions and growth. We don't want to improve. We have this comfortable job and it provides for all our needs and comforts. Do we really need to put in extra effort to improve? Then comes the next most hindering thought, what is the use of learning this new skill, what BENEFIT will I get? Just making me a better person is just not enough, it has to translate into money or material benefits. If it doesn't bring the individual more material benefits, then it's a lost case.
Everyone has to reach a state of awareness, where they will do something new every now and then. Start exercising, start learning something new, wear colors they haven't worn before, meet new people, make new friends. Let every day be a new day. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, what's new about this person? Smile at that person. Think of the word change and change will happen, sometimes good and sometimes not so good. But it will happen. Good change will bring rewards, not so good change will bring experience and new learning. Learn, let this word be a constant in our lives. Don't worry about success, in fact just don't worry. Perfection is insanity. Our goal is progress. Most important, never think what will people say? People who are idle will always gossip. People who seek progress, will have no time. All they see it their goal because they don't speak negatively about themselves.
Brian Thankappan
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